


Reflections

by AtropaApis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, Post 15x19, Temporary Character Death, The Empty (Supernatural), love trumps death, when do we get what we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27776038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtropaApis/pseuds/AtropaApis
Summary: Adam is staring at his reflection, the impassive face looking back at him makes his heart ache. Between the nightmares masquerading as dreams and the frigid nature of the bunker he’s delirious enough to pretend it’s him. That Michael is just staring at him the way he always does when he’s thinking, that’s he’s being pissy again and eventually Adam will draw out that quiet laughter and they’ll be back to normal.Adam mourns Michael after being returned by the snap
Relationships: Michael/Adam Milligan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> for the discord server that sparked this

He doesn’t know how many days it’s been since he came back to no Michael. Only that it’s been to many. His brother’s have _so_ graciously given him shelter since he’s more vulnerable than ever and cold. He’s always cold now even when he downs scalding coffee just to feel something. The bunker is just another cage now and the pain doesn’t go away. He’d rather be stuck with Lucifer again over being stuck with the Winchester’s and their little found family like they take Michael away from him. Like they didn’t use Michael up just like his father and abandon him when things got hard. You’d think Dean Winchester would know a suicide mission when one was right in front of him. He _knows_ Michael, he knows the angel would take any shitty deal just to get him back because they only had each other. Nobody else looked out for them and nobody else cared too. It doesn’t matter how much he prays or begs for Michael to come back the grief doesn’t leave it only festers like a disease inside of him. A tumor that’s consuming his soul and drowning his lungs until it feels like he can’t breathe at night because he swears, he saw Michael only to realize he was dreaming.

It’s a slap in the face when Castiel comes back. Revived by the ‘new god’ that he recognizes as the Nephilim from the memories the angel shoved in their head. He had died in those, but death doesn’t seem to stick in this family. He doesn’t mean to be rude when the kid tells him his soul isn’t doomed to Hell all over again, that he can see his mom in Heaven when it’s his time. Like Adam isn’t half a second away from offing himself anyways. This new god isn’t any different from the old one as far as Adam is concerned; neither ever gave a shit about Michael. Michael, loyal Michael, who would follow someone to the ends of the earth and back for a sliver of affection and Adam had showered him in it. He should have broken the angel’s heart like everyone else, maybe then Michael wouldn’t have gotten himself killed in a half-brained plot to get him back. Like Adam could have ever not fallen in love with the archangel. He spends a week after Castiel’s return saying things he doesn’t really mean to Sam and Dean and ignores the way it makes him feel good. To spit the venom, he should have the first time. Castiel for his part avoids him and says nothing when he hisses out words, he wished he could take back, wished that he even really wanted to.

“It should have been you.”

Michael is dead. He knows he’s dead and he’s fine with that. Death means no more responsibility, no more Father, just freedom. He can finally rest without Heaven crashing down around him, without Lucifer taking advantage of weakness no matter how momentary. His grace twists trying to escape as he’s dragged deeper and deeper beneath, he’s missing something important. But he can’t remember what and then suddenly he doesn’t care anymore. He’s dead there is nothing to be done about it, he just needs to sleep and be quiet. He can be quiet, there is no one to speak to anyways and his thoughts are so terribly boring. Adam always said he thinks like a textbook. Wait. Adam. He knows that name. Where does he know it? It’s not an angel their names all have the same endings with so little variation one only had to learn which and the first few letters. Angels were uniform, soldiers to be obedient. Adam was not obedient he was bright and free. Infuriating and infuriatingly beautiful all at once. Certainly not the first man, the first Adam was boring and angry all the time. Adam is never angry, not really, he doesn’t hold onto grudges like that. Better to keep moving than stay looking back. Why does he know that? Why does he know Adam? Why does he know that name?

Why does he know this face? It’s staring back at him in the dark with a dreadfully sad look on it’s face. Is Michael sad? He doesn’t think so, does he know how to be sad? Does he even know how to feel? He’s an angel feeling are defective things to be purged, they don’t have them naturally. _Sure, you do halo everyone feels something about something._ He knows that voice. It’s Adam’s voice and Adam’s face and Adam’s name. Something twists in his grace, grief, why would he feel grief? The face in the dark is sad, is it grieving? Is Adam grieving? For whom? He opens his mouth to ask but the darkness is flooding in and he chokes on it, drowning him, pushing him down farther than ever until he forgets why he was even awake in the first place.

Adam is staring at his reflection, the impassive face looking back at him makes his heart ache. Between the nightmares masquerading as dreams and the frigid nature of the bunker he’s delirious enough to pretend it’s him. That Michael is just staring at him the way he always does when he’s thinking, that’s he’s being pissy again and eventually Adam will draw out that quiet laughter and they’ll be back to normal. Everything about Michael is quiet from his laughter to the way he watches Michael to the first time he whispered _I love you Adam Milligan_. His soul yearns for the way Michael would curl around his soul and sing in that special way he did during their time in Hell. He’ll watch his reflection and wait and wait for it to be Michael before he realizes that the bags under his eyes are his alone. He talks to the reflections for hours on the off chance he’s wrong just once until he can’t stand looking at himself.

It takes him 2 hours to smash all the mirrors. To break all the things that reflect the pain back at him and rub salt in his wounds.

His hands are bleeding by the end of it and he screams streaking his own blood through his hair when he grabs at it. There is no salvation for him waiting because Michael is an angel, and they will never share a heaven. The greatest love of his life is gone for good and the only thing he’ll have left is a fake no better than his own reflection replaying memories with him for eternity. How ironic that Heaven would be his hell and that his Heaven is Hell. Maybe Adam Milligan was destined to be damned.

Michael is clawing through the dark holding onto the memory by the skin of his teeth. He remembers Adam, precious Adam, and he remembers what he died for. He twists his grace so hard it hurts to stop from falling asleep again. He can’t he needs to find Adam. Adam whose reflection is always sad. He needs to find Adam before…no Michael can’t even bring himself to think about the worst outcome. He would do anything to get to Adam again, whatever it took. _Isn’t that how you got yourself into this situation_ something sneers but he doesn’t turn. He only moves forward, no looking back, no stopping, only moving because if he stops, he’s done for good. He’s moving until he spots a light, flickering and small, but bright. It wavers in front of him until he’s looking through a shattered mirror at a shattered man.

“I’m sorry.”


End file.
